I’m not here to be polite.
I’m not here to perform.
I’m here to tell you what I know in my bones.
A man’s body will overflow.
That’s not romance. That’s not pornography.
That’s biology.
Semen is not just fluid. It’s energy.
His body has to release it.
My body has to receive it.
That’s the system.
And once I saw it, I could never unsee it.
A man’s release is his return
My husband has come to me many times and said:
“Wife, I’m full.”
It used to annoy me.
I would say: “Handle it yourself.”
Or I would feel used. Objectified.
But I see it differently now.
When he asks to come on me;
he’s not asking to degrade me.
He’s asking to return home.
He doesn’t want to waste himself into a towel or down the drain.
He wants to be received.
I don’t perform. I receive.
I don’t moan.
I don’t fake sounds.
I don’t stroke him like I’m in a bad movie.
I sit back.
I hold my breasts in my hands.
And I direct and receive him.
I have him stand above me, kneel in front of me, or lean over me.
I have him spill himself on me.
And when he does; I root.
Rooting is not passive
Rooting is clean energy.
It’s calm.
It’s quiet.
It’s unshakeable.
It tells him:
“This is your place.
This is your home.
You belong here.”
Not because I said so.
Because I received him.
What happens next
He quiets down.
He works better.
He stops spinning.
I stop spinning too.
My nervous system softens.
I have less rage.
I feel like a woman again.
Not because I surrendered.
But because I received.
The matriarch does not withhold
I used to think withholding sex was power.
It’s not.
Power is knowing when to receive.
Power is knowing that I set the rhythm.
Power is knowing that his semen lands on me because I direct it.
Not because I’m desperate.
Not because I’m submissive.
Because I’m in charge of this house; including him.
I know what I’m doing
Let the other women play their games.
Let them say it’s degrading.
Let them say it’s unnecessary.
They can keep their cold beds and resentments.
I’ll take a clean house.
A bonded man.
A calm heart.
I’m Lai Yin.
I hold the house.
And sometimes I hold my breasts and have my man empty himself on me;
because that’s what keeps everything in its right place.